So I have had the last 8 or so posts talking about what to do RIGHT NOW to make your life a happy one. But if you are a parent, I am sure that you want to raise happy kids as opposed to them going through what you feel are going through. So let me talk about some things to help you do that.
Parents have a very tough job. Trying to raise a child who has a high self esteem and worthiness leading to healthy happy kids means that you have to be careful about what you say and do to them, so here is a quick(but valuable) list that will help.
- The phrase “Because I said so” can lead to passively signaling to a child that their thoughts and questions are insignificant. Not explaining to a child why they should or should not do something establishes a controlling atmosphere. I will admit that I have used this phrase before because I did not have the time to explain, or just not wanting to explain. But that is not conducive for the child to learn self awareness and achieve a higher self confidence.
- The phrase “Stop being so emotional” is basically telling a child that showing emotions is not good. But of course at the same time having a child fretting and getting emotional over every little thing is not good either, so this a tough one. But, you know what? It’s not your decision. Explain to the child that the reaction they now portray is up to them whether it is valid or not. Is it worth being upset over? Can the crisis be solved by them? This can also help teach the child a bit of resilience. A resilient child is a happy child.
- I know I have used this one a few times. “If you don’t come now, I’ll leave you here”. And does it ever really work? Either way, this can be deeply damaging to the child as the child will have a deep rooted connection to said adult saying it and this connection can be put into question. The child could actually end up feeling neglected. Yeah, I never thought of it like that either.
- “Why you can’t be more like…” is one I would never say but I have heard it said before…I just cringe thinking about what that child is thinking, being compared to someone else in a humiliating way like that. That seems like an obvious one, but unfortunately it is said. That so blatantly could damage the child’s life as he/she will constantly compare themselves to others and think that they are not good enough.
I am ot a doctor or a psychologist in any stretch but I think that these are all good points to be made and explored for what they are worth. Plus they all make sense to me. Healthy happy kids is a good thing to be sending out into our future.
You are most welcome.